【Si Xun】Poison Ringo Series

Chapter 1

"so bitter!"

Kaoru wrinkled his face and spat out the pulp in his mouth, Shinji stretched his head over to look at the apple with a big bite in his hand, and said, "I don't want to."

Kaoru also looked at the blackened apple heart, with a look of pity: "Well, really..."

"Don't eat it, throw it away." Shinji held up his own apple and was about to bite, when he found Kaoru staring at him with expectation written all over his face.Shinji couldn't help frowning, "You don't want to eat mine, do you..."

Kaoru's gaze shifted from Shinji's face to the apple, and Shinji sighed deeply, stuffed the apple into Kaoru's arms, and said, "Forget it, I'll give it to you."

Kaoru took the apple in surprise, and asked again and again: "Is it okay? Did you really give it to me?"

"I really gave it to you, if you don't want it, give it back to me."

"I want!"

Kaoru held the apple up high, as if afraid of being snatched away by someone.Shinji was full of impatience, it was just an apple, there was nothing to be happy about.

Kaoru opened his mouth wide and wanted to click on the apple, and took a big bite. Shinji saw the bright black heart of the apple, and before he could stop it, Kaoru had already started chewing again.

As a result, Kaoru yelled "It's so bitter!" and spat out the apple flesh, and looked at Shinji with a hurt face, as if it was Shinji's fault that the apple was broken.

Shinji grabbed the rotten apple and threw it into the trash can, saying, "Fortunately, I didn't eat it."

"You did it on purpose!"

Kaoru shouted.Shinji glared at him: "Who did it on purpose! Obviously you wanted to eat it yourself."

Kaoru was about to start arguing with Shinji when the radio rang and told him to go to Dr. Akagi.Kaoru glared at Shinji, and Shinji glared at him. After a while, Kaoru silently stood up and walked to the door. The door automatically slid open to both sides, and Misato stood outside the door.The two looked at each other, Kaoru went out, Misato came in, and the door closed again.

"What's the matter, Miss Misato?"

It was Shinji who spoke first.There was hesitation on Miri's face.

"...Are you still unwilling to take the EVA again? Although I don't want to force you."

"Ever since I came here and took the EVA, unfortunate things have always happened, I don't want to have anything to do with that kind of thing anymore." Shinji looked up at Misato, "In order to let me continue to take the EVA, [that It’s useless to send something here.”

Misato's expression froze for a moment, and then she smiled wryly: "You found out..."

"First Ayanami, then that guy... How are you going to fool me to be satisfied..."

Shinji clenched his hands.Ayanami is not Ayanami, and Nagisa is not Nagisa, he no longer knows what to do.

Seeing this Nagisa, he would always think of the situation when he killed that Nagisa. How could adults think that giving him another Ayanami and another Nagisa would heal the wound in his heart?

"Miss Misato, are you the same as them?"

Shinji looked into Misato's eyes and said.That way, if Misato was lying, he would be able to spot it right away.But Misato wasn't lying, she shook her head.

"I can't answer you with certainty, Shinji."

"What a cunning answer, Misato-san..."

Shinji's voice dropped as he shook his head.Misato felt that it was useless and unnecessary to say anything. For Shinji, perhaps leaving here would be the happiest.Take responsibility or be happy alone, Misato can't choose for him.

"If you really decide, I also need to tell you something about that [Nagi]."

Misato said.Shinji's shoulders trembled slightly following the name.

"Since you also know that [Nagi] is a replica, that is to say, he is not an apostle, nor can he drive EVA, but just a doll with a superficial appearance made to comfort you. Everything including the memory is Man-made consumables. If you decide not to ride EVA, then you have to dispose of him, after all, there is no need for useless things here."

"Miss Misato is threatening me..."

"No, I just think you need to know the facts."

Because it is a temporary replica, the function is not perfect. I have to go to Ritsuko to make adjustments every day. You heard the broadcast just now.Folding her arms, Misato added.

"What does that have to do with me? Could it be that Misato-san is trying to say that I have to be responsible for that kind of thing... It's obvious that you did it without authorization..."

Shinji stared hard at the ground, as if by doing so he would pluck the resentment out of his body.He heard Misato sigh softly.

"If you really decide so, so be it."

Misato left the room after speaking, leaving Shinji alone.And until the lunch time passed, Kaoru's lunch box was still lying alone on the chair, completely cold and did not wait for the return of the owner.

Kaoru had a physical examination at Akagi's place as usual, took the medicine, and was about to leave when she suddenly remembered something and turned around.

How much time do I have left?

he asks.

Akagi was drinking coffee, raised his head when he heard this, looked him up and down, and said, "Your mission is over."

"yes……"

Kaoru looked at the apples on the red wooden table.He felt neither sadness nor fear.

"Can you give me that apple?"

Kaoru asked suddenly.Akagi was stunned, followed his gaze to Apple, and said, "Is this? Take it if you want it."

"Thank you."

Kaoru stood up and took the apple and was about to go out when Akagi behind said, "I'll give you a choice. You can choose to end your life quickly, or stop using life-sustaining drugs and die slowly."

Kaoru stopped in her tracks, and an emotionless voice came from behind: "May I ask? What is the original [me]?"

"It's an apostle."

"An apostle..." The boy's voice seemed to be sighing, "Then I choose to die slowly. After all, up to now, the apostles have always been defeated by EVA and left the world with sudden death, so the prototype [me] may also die. I want to try a human death."

Kaoru returned to his room, Shinji was still there, and when he saw him come back, he put on a disgusted expression: "Why is it taking so long, your food is cold."

"You are the one, how long are you going to stay here?" Kaoru said as he walked over and stuffed the apple into Shinji's arms, "Here, I'll give it back to you."

"I do not want."

Shinji refused flatly and pushed the apple back, and Kaoru pushed it back hard without giving up.

"It's all said to be yours."

"I said I don't want it."

The two argued and pushed back and forth, and the apple fell from Kaoru's hand and fell to the ground.Both Shinji and Kaoru fell silent, looking at the apple on the ground together, and then, Kaoru showed a wounded expression.

"...You don't want to forget it."

He walked over and bent down to pick up the apple, but Shinji suddenly stood up and snatched it.Kaoru looked at Shinji in surprise, Shinji just raised the apple with a displeased face and bit it, with a click.

"……so bitter."

Shinji grimaced and spat out the pulp, then looked at the apple in his hand, the core was black again.

"Haha, what is it... isn't this, it's all rotten..."

Kaoru said with a dry smile.Shinji stared at the apple for a while before throwing it in the trash.I don't know what to think of, and a complicated sneer appeared on my face: "Yeah, it's all rotten..."

He turned his head to look at Xun, Xun frowned and looked at him for a while, pursed his lips and turned away, staring at the ground: "...you know what I am?"

"……Um."

Shinji nodded.

"They say I'm useless. Do you think so?"

Shinji didn't answer.If he needs Kaoru but doesn't want to take the EVA, will Dad let Kaoru live?

—Probably not.

Shinji no longer dared to say that he really didn't like Kaoru at all.At that time, he killed Kaoru according to Kaoru's wish, was it really because he liked Kaoru so much?Originally, the two were hostile, and Shinji had to kill Kaoru no matter what.But just because the guy said that, you killed me because you liked me a little bit, and Shinji got away with self-blame.Now he was forced to make a decision again, if this Xun said, my life and death are determined by you, what choice would he make.

He looked at Kaoru.Kaoru showed no expression, and seemed to have some expectation, but Shinji didn't dare to respond to that expectation.He can't afford it.

"...What will happen if you don't receive treatment?"

he asks.

"Die, slowly."

Kaoru replied calmly.

Then would you like to come with me?

Shinji asked in his heart.

Because I knew that the voice in my heart would not be heard, I asked this in my heart.He didn't have the courage to ask.

In the end, he was still a selfish human being that even he hated.Just thinking that it is bad for adults to force oneself to bear the lives of others, so as to escape the guilt of killing.Thinking about the apostle in human form is because he wants to feel guilty, but he doesn't want to think about things other than his position.

If I abandon you, will you despise me and hate me?

Kaoru just stood there, as if scolding Shinji.Shinji wanted to escape from this pressure, to a place where there was no Eva and no apostles.

There, of course, there would be no Kaoru either.

Shinji looked at the three rotten apples in the trash can.

Ah, I am like these apples, human wisdom is all rotten.

he thought quietly.

END

Volume [-] First Half: Ode to Joy

EVA fan, Shinji × Nagisa Kaoru.

Zhen group.Other stories based on some overlap with the plot of the original.

Predecessor "Poisonous Ringo"

***

【First half:】

Shinji received another letter from that person.

He took the letter, took out the key from his school bag and opened the door, and a group of fluffy white guys sat in the entrance, on Shinji's shoes.The door opened, it raised its small head, and called out to Shinji softly.

"Don't bark, the landlord will find out."

Shinji complained without emotion.Anyway, cats don't understand human speech, he's just used to talking to himself.

After I changed my shoes and went into the living room, the cat followed.Shinji took out the cat food Asuka bought from his schoolbag, poured some for the cat, and sat on the sofa to open the letter from that guy.

Shinji couldn't remember which letter it was, but it was probably another ticket for that guy's concert or recital.Such tickets are accumulated in a thick stack in the drawer, but Shinji has never been there once.

No matter how many times the other party sent such letters, Shinji had no intention of going.But this time the contents of the envelope surprised Shinji—there was no ticket in this letter, only a thin piece of letterhead, and the rest was no different from the usual letters.

Did you forget to put the ticket in?Shinji looked inside the envelope again, but there was nothing.Half puzzled and half helpless, Shinji opened the letter. The font on the letter was as beautiful and pleasing to the eye as ever, as if to show that the words were like a person, which made Shinji feel complicated, but the content made Shinji more and more confused.

On the huge letter paper, there is only one line of address and phone number written in the middle.

Nothing more than that.

Shinji frowned and looked at the letter from the other side, then checked the information on the envelope, and then went back to look at the unfamiliar font, and finally couldn't help complaining: "What is Nagisa doing...

"

Shinji dropped the letter on the table and got up to make dinner.When he was eating dinner and switching TV channels boredly, he saw that person on the screen again.

He has grown a lot taller and calmer, but his skin is still pale.He has grown his hair long and tied it loosely behind his head, which is quite in line with his identity.Shinji glanced at it, then cut the screen, browsed through several channels at random, and turned off the TV when there was nothing he wanted to watch.

Silence fell again.The picked cat came up and sat down in front of Shinji, looking at him with blue eyes, meowing non-stop.

"Stop calling."

Shinji scolded.It paused, then continued meowing at Shinji.

Perhaps it was because of the tiredness accumulated from drawing pictures for days, Shinji was very irritable.He threw the chopsticks on the table and got up to look for cat food, when he heard the doorbell ring.

Shinji changed course, walked to the entrance and opened the door.He didn't realize what he had done the moment the door opened, but it was too late.

The landlord stood at the door, looking into the room with his arms folded with a hostile expression on his face. The white cat just happened to yell again, and walked towards Shinji, rubbing against Shinji's trousers.

The landlord's face is as ugly as it is.The same goes for Shinji.After finally finishing the drawing, I planned to rest for a few days, but encountered bad luck at the beginning.But he couldn't blame anyone else, he could only blame his tired brain that couldn't think.Promising the landlord to send the cat away tomorrow, Shinji returned to the house and lost his appetite looking at the food on the table.

He poured cat food for the little white guy.The kitten sat behind the plate, looked at the cat food, and refused to eat it.Shinji pushed the plate in front of it, and it meowed.

"……where do you want to go?"

Shinji asked it.It stared at Shinji with its blue eyes open, without answering.

"...Where can you go?"

"Meow."

it says.Shinji scratched his hair and smiled wryly.

"What am I doing..."

Shinji couldn't think of anyone to entrust the kitten to.Aihara and the others live in the dormitory of the university, and Asuka is abroad.He checked the Internet and found that the stray animal shelter is currently being remodeled and will not accept stray animals for the time being.

Desperate.

Shinji closed the webpage and looked back for the little guy.It jumped onto the table and was scratching at Shinji's letter on the table.

After thinking about it, Shinji stepped forward to pick up the letter and dialed the number on it.After a short wait, the call was connected.

"Hi, I'm Nagisa Kaoru."

A voice that was similar to Shinji's memory, but more mature, reached his ears through radio waves.Shinji's mind went blank, and suddenly he couldn't remember why he called that person.After thinking for a while, he remembered.He opened his mouth, but his voice was blocked in his throat.

The silence lasted for a while, and a hesitant voice came from the other end of the phone: "... Shinji?"

His call dispelled the magic that caused Shinji to lose his voice in his throat. After a pause for a few seconds, Shinji replied, "...it's me."

This time it was the other side's turn to be silent.After a while, I heard him say: "... I didn't have much hope that you would call... How have you been these years?"

He actually learned the normal way of human greetings.Shinji felt a little unaccustomed, and didn't know how to answer his words, so he just said, "...It's okay."

He heard a chuckle on the other end of the phone: "It seems that so many tickets have been sent to you, and you have never been here once."

Lost in the words.Shinji felt inexplicably guilty for this.But Shinji didn't want to see him.Seeing him, Shinji always thought of those unpleasant pasts.Moreover, even if he has a memory named "Koru Nagisa", he is not the same one that was broken in Shinji's palm.

"However, thank you anyway. If you didn't continue to ride EVA at that time, I wouldn't be able to live now."

Shinji felt very uncomfortable listening to him use human words too skillfully.In Shinji's mind, he's still the same blunt, uncommon-sense idiot.His last indescribable smile remained in Shinji's memory.And this "Zhu Kaoru", whose president will change when he grows up, is just a replica, a doll to comfort Shinji.

How can dolls have independent emotions and how can they change?

Shinji couldn't grasp reality.He forgot the purpose of his call, holding the receiver, his mind was empty.

"Ah, that's right." The other party didn't care about Shinji's silence, and propelled the topic skillfully, "Are you coming? This time the first half is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, and the second half is Tchaikovsky's Fifth Symphony Do you remember when we first met, I played Bei Jiu's most famous piece?"

He seemed very happy, and hummed the melody when the two met for the first time, and the brisk atmosphere was conveyed through the phone.But Shinji's heart sank, and the scene of that day resurfaced in his mind, causing his already ethereal consciousness to sink into the depths of his memory.Since that person regained his memory, he has been repeatedly emphasizing the fact that he is "Zhu Kaoru" with words and actions.But Shinji didn't admit it.

——Or rather, I don’t want to admit it.

If you admit it, it means that you have to face the person you killed with your own hands, and face the fact that cannot be erased.This is one of the reasons why Shinji avoids him.

Shinji didn't understand why he could talk to himself so freely.Such a tolerant, considerate, clear and innocent voice to oneself.It's like berating yourself.

"I later heard Misato Katsuragi say that Shinji played the cello before, is he still playing the cello now?" He took care of the topic carefully to prevent the atmosphere from falling into a stalemate, and completely disappeared the shadow of the young man who didn't know the world.

"Nagisa..."

When the long-lost syllable came out of his mouth, Shinji even trembled for an unknown reason.

"What's the matter, Shinji?"

He fell silent and waited for Shinji.In the silence, there is only the rustling sound of electromagnetic waves, and a thin cat meow suddenly.

"...I will go." Shinji clenched the receiver, his eyes fell on the envelope on the table, "Also, I have something to ask you."

Shinji saw the figure of the man through the car window without getting out of the car.He is good-looking, and his white hair and fair skin are so conspicuous.He was standing on the edge of the platform in a light gray windbreaker, with a dark blue scarf around him, his eyes drooping, his half-length hair draped over his shoulders, like a docile cat.

Shinji got out of the car, he found Shinji, his eyes lit up all of a sudden, he stretched out his hand and waved exaggeratedly: "Shinji, I'm here, look this way!"

"I saw it, don't scream!" Shinji reprimanded him, a little embarrassed, and hurried over to stop his childish behavior, "Everyone else is watching!"

"Sorry, I'm just a little excited to see Shinji again."

He smiled and narrowed his eyes, his smile was clear and mature, and Shinji turned his face away: "Forget it, let's go first. You are too conspicuous."

He took Shinji into the car, he sat in the driver's seat, and Shinji sat next to him. "...you can drive?" Shinji was a little surprised.

"Well. Because sometimes I want to go to some places by myself." His answer was straightforward, his eyes were looking ahead of the road, and there was a smile on his mouth, but he seemed a little lonely.

He is now a well-known pianist, traveling all over the world, and Shinji can see him on TV and newspapers from time to time.However, it was the first time for the two to meet in reality after leaving NERV.Each other's face, figure and breath have changed, and the wall of time stands firmly in the invisible air, making Shinji feel alienated.

"But I didn't expect you to live so close..." Shinji lived in an apartment very close to the university, and he lived in a country house not far from Tokyo.Shinji always thought that he moved to a far away place, but he didn't expect him to be so close.Shinji just glanced at the address given in the letter and didn't take it seriously at all.

"Tokyo is a place of special significance to me." He stopped talking here, and the topic turned smoothly, "Sorry, I forgot to put the ticket in when I sent the letter."

"It doesn't matter, anyway, I didn't plan to go at first. But you, why did you send me your phone number and address all of a sudden?"

Shinji still couldn't change his rude attitude when talking to him, and he didn't care at all, looking at Shinji with a smile: "Because I really want to see you."

After speaking, he turned back.Shinji's heart was out of rhythm because of this sentence that seemed to be a confession, his face with a lonely smile was all in front of his eyes, and he continued to say: "Now that Shinji is here, I am really happy, thank you."

His words were so sincere and gentle that Shinji was more and more at a loss.Looking carelessly at the cage in his hand, Shinji whispered, "It's nothing, just by the way."

He has changed so much over the years, and he is so gentle and steady that Shinji is a little restrained.Although he seemed to occasionally show a childish side like just now, just like that, Shinji couldn't help but secretly heaved a sigh of relief.Shinji doesn't dislike him like this, but he is inexplicably obsessed with "Zhu Kaoru" back then.

Shinji still can't fully regard him as the existence of "Zhu Kaoru".

Although he lives in the countryside, the transportation is very convenient.Although it is a villa, it is so simple that it is not eye-catching.The two got out of the car, entered the door, put down their luggage in the living room, Shinji opened the cage, the kitten poked its head out of the cage, looked around the new environment vigilantly, and retracted its head again.

"It seems that it is not used to it yet."

He smiled bitterly.

"You promised me on the phone that you wouldn't do the same thing again, right, Nagisa?"

Shinji confirmed to him again with a serious face.

"I promise, absolutely not." He set his eyes on the cage, his smile filled with bitterness, "I didn't understand anything at that time..."

After speaking, he suddenly raised his head and looked at Shinji with sparkling eyes: "It's mine now, can I name it?"

That bright smiling face forced Shinji to take a step back: "Whatever, whatever, anyway, it doesn't have a name yet..."

"Thank you, Shinji!"

He opened and closed his mouth in a modest and polite manner, with a decent and pure smile on his face, reflected in Shinji's eyes, like an image that was too perfect to appear illusory.Shinji couldn't grasp his presence.

The Kaoru Nagisa who would kill the kitten without guilt is gone.Shinji understands better than anyone else, and because he understands, he suffers.Even looking at him in front of him, he felt unreasonable resentment.Zhu Xun is gone, why does this specious thing still persist in the world, tearing the bloody wound of guilt over and over again?

Shinji even regretted his decision to drive EVA again. Although this was not a move to keep him alive, the result was the same.When Shinji got off the EVA again, he stood there with a thin figure smiling at Shinji, saying thank you.With the same expression as now, even the atmosphere is very similar.

After that, he stopped pestering Shinji.The two occasionally met in NERV, but they just nodded and passed by. He seemed to have escaped from that magnificent story and became a detached background.

It also became the background of Shinji's life.

Shinji thought that after everything was over, the two would never see each other again, but after two years, he received a letter from him, with no content, and only a concert ticket in a thin envelope.Shinji was surprised when he first received it.In the new class and among the new classmates, Shinji stared at the names on the envelope and stood there for a long time in a daze.Shinji thought about throwing away the letter, but somehow kept it.Letters came one by one, and Shinji folded them one by one, and it took more than three years.

Continued until now.

Shinji ignored the signal of invitation all along, not wanting to see him.But now, when I saw him again, my eyes were always glued to him unconsciously, and I couldn't move my eyes away.

Maybe it's because he is beautiful, and people always have a preference for beautiful things.The fuzzy outlines of the young man have grown, forming a face with clear and delicate lines.The vacillating greenness and maturity between youth and youth are like apples in season, exuding just the right fragrance.

Maybe he noticed Shinji's gaze, and he tilted his head in doubt: "What's the matter, Shinji?"

"It's nothing..." Sensing his gaffe, Shinji quickly turned his face away, "I'll go back if there's nothing to do. No need to send it off."

"Wait!" Seeing that Shinji was about to leave, he hurriedly grabbed Shinji's wrist, with anxiety appearing on his face, "Don't go!"

After a pause, his eyes shook, and he flinched a little, but he didn't let go: "... the concert, go to the concert with me, just once."

He looked at Shinji, eyes filled with desire.It looked so much like a wronged feline, Shinji couldn't bear it.

Just once.Shinji said to himself in his heart.As long as his wish is fulfilled, he will not come to harass him again.But thinking that he would never receive those letters again, Shinji felt a little lonely in his heart.

It's not for him.Shinji convinced himself again, and said slowly, "...just this once."

His eyes lit up with joy.Shinji could almost see how hard he was trying to restrain the urge to jump up like a bird, and the way he repeated thank you also took on the appearance of the boy back then, which made Shinji feel a twinge of pain in his heart, and he hastily withdrew own hands.

"Okay, okay, there's nothing to be happy about. Anyway, the blueprint has been handed in, and there's nothing to do after that."

Shinji studied architecture at university. Recently, in addition to his coursework, he and his instructor have also accepted a practical project. If they pass, the building will be erected somewhere in Tokyo.Although it was true that the drawings had been handed over, it was more like an excuse at this time.

"Will Shinji stay here? Tomorrow's show will be in Tokyo! Let's go together!" He said more and more happily, his whole body was radiant, and he was about to fly, "I'll go nearby to buy some ingredients, I'll cook for you! The guest room is on the second floor, right next to my room! I've got the cello ready too, we can play together!"

He babbled non-stop, no matter how he heard it, it sounded like he had planned it for a long time.Shinji, one head and two big, frowned, and his voice was not very happy: "How long have you been thinking about these things..."

"It's been a long time!" he replied loudly, "I've been waiting for Shinji's answer, I've been waiting! I..."

As if he had been pressed to pause the picture, he stopped abruptly, and the light in his eyes flickered and dimmed.He lowered his head, and his voice came low: "I've been waiting..."

Shinji didn't understand the words that seemed to accuse him of being ruthless.Shinji always felt that he was imposing many things on himself, whether it was life or responsibility, and now he added personal desires.Shinji sees no reason for himself to accept this.

But even though he believed so intellectually, Shinji couldn't abandon him, and was afraid that if he abandoned him, the same thing as before would happen again.That kind of thing, only once is enough.

Shinji clenched his fists, stepped forward, and looked up at him who was taller: "That's your decision, right? Whether you come or not is up to me. Don't always make me feel responsible for you."

He paused, turned his eyes away: "...I just hope..."

"Your hope is a burden to me." Shinji cut him off mercilessly, wanting to add it, like the hope you asked me to kill you - only to realize suddenly that he was still denying it He opened his mouth, but the words were swallowed back into his stomach.

He immediately showed a very hurt expression, which made Shinji's anger rise.But, just as he would grow up, Shinji is not the weak and incompetent self he was back then.At least you can control your emotions.

In the end, they still started arguing as they did back then, only this point remained the same, and they didn't know whether to rejoice or smile wryly.Shinji walked away for a distance, turned his back: "...If you want me to finish the concert with you, don't say any more spoiling things."

After waiting for a long time, Shinji got a barely audible reply.Looking back, the man was also looking at him, frowning and pursing his lips, as if he was about to cry.

In September, Tokyo still has the heat of summer, but the surrounding areas of Tokyo are completely different. The coolness of autumn has dyed the treetops, and the color of the streets is slowly approaching yellow.When he came home in a cold, Shinji was playing with the cat in the living room, and the kitten was purring.Seeing him come back, Shinji had a subtle look on his face.He said I'm back, but Shinji didn't answer, he looked a bit disappointed, but he went into the kitchen quickly.After all the dinner was ready and put on the table, Shinji finally couldn't help but put down his posture and admire: "That's amazing..."

He should have been very happy, but in the end he smiled very politely: "It's nothing. I've always thought that there will be such a day, so I learned a little bit."

But just looking at it is more than just "learned a little bit".Shinji didn't poke him, and the two sat down at the dining table, the kitten meowing at their feet, as if it was hungry.

The chopsticks that Shinji had just picked up fell again, and just about to stand up, he heard him hurriedly say, "I bought cat food and plates."

Shinji thought for a while: "...Then you come."

He excitedly went to get the cat food and the plate, packed them and put them in front of the kitten, but when he withdrew his hand, he was suddenly scratched severely.He withdrew his hand reflexively, the little cat hit hard, and the few wounds on the back of his hand soon ooze blood.

"Hey, are you okay!" Shinji was also very surprised, the kitten was usually docile, Shinji didn't expect it to hurt people.

"It's okay, just deal with it." As if he was afraid of something, he backed away from the wound and left the restaurant quickly.Shinji followed and saw him taking the sterilized items in the cabinet, and at a glance, he saw something that Shinji was very familiar with.

——A large number of pills and bottles and cans, just like the ones I saw in Ayanami's room back then.

He was in a similar situation to Ayanami, so there was nothing wrong with that.But when he saw the exaggerated amount of medicine, Shinji's heart sank unconsciously.

"...Do you want me to help you?"

"No need." His answer was strangely quick, and he quickly forced a smile to explain to Shinji, "Shinji go back to eat first, I'll be fine soon."

Shinji didn't say anything, he pretended to go back, hid behind the wall and peeped here, saw him secretly taking out the syringe and some medicine, rolled up his sleeve and stabbed himself as usual.When he returned to the dinner table, the wound had already been bandaged, and he said with an apologetic smile, "Sorry for keeping you waiting."

"It doesn't matter." Shinji didn't look at him, but looked at the kitten that was eating, "I have to find a way to make it get close to you...or does it know what you did before?"

The corner of Shinji's mouth was unconsciously ridiculed, and soon realized that these words contradicted his own thoughts, and seemed a bit mean, so he cast his gaze at him.He also looked at the cat and said with a wry smile, "Maybe it's like what you said...but I will try my best."

His performance was too unlike the "Zhu Kaoru" in Shinji's memory, and the sense of disobedience made Shinji frowned: "...I hope so."

Shinji replied stylized.The dinner also started after the formulaic "I'm starting it". He probably noticed the alienation in the atmosphere, and started to find a topic again, mentioning that he met Asuka when he went to the United States.

"I played with her and she played the violin very well. But she beat me up before that."

As he spoke, he touched his face, as if the pain from the beating was still on his face.

"With Asuka?"

Shinji asked in surprise.

"Well, I went to find her on purpose. She also came to listen to my performance." He recalled, showing a somewhat disappointed expression, "But this time I don't have my performance, so Shinji can't let Shinji listen to me...so for a while How about playing together?"

"Oh..." Shinji's answer was ambiguous.When he mentioned Asuka, Shinji had a strange feeling, somehow thinking of the triangle and the circle put together, "Why did you go to her?"

Shinji thought that he was only pestering himself these years, and he had never heard Asuka mention this matter, so he felt a little strange.

"Didn't I say a lot of things back then? Shinji also threatened to knock out my front teeth, remember? I went and told her about it." He seemed to find it very interesting, and he chuckled softly, "Sorry, then I really didn't know anything at the time. It took me a few years to learn before I felt a little bit human..."

"...You don't really have to do that."

Shinji's response is still ambiguous, and it is not known whether it is for Asuka or for him to learn from humans.Shinji actually didn't have an answer in his heart.But looking at him looking too human, he felt a sense of dislocation.

"I need to know how humans think." He even changed his words.