The Sensory Animals of Ston Hill

Chapter 185 The Shape of Pain

Pain has taken shape since William's death.When he sits in a chair, the pain sticks out from the back of the chair and binds him; when he eats three meals a day, the pain overflows from the table and crawls into his plate; when he opens the door, the pain wraps around his door When he writes official documents, the pain sticks to the tip of his pen; when he combs his hair in front of the mirror, the pain howls at him in the mirror; when he sleeps, the pain suddenly plunges into his heart.Pain chased him, stalked him, tried to engulf him, tear his hair, beat his back, scream madly in his ears.

It was Allen who drove away the pain, and with his eyes of survival, his triumph, and every word of his letter, he turned Grace's chair back into a chair, and the mirror back into a mirror.But it was also him who called out those pains with his own mouth and let them swallow him up.

Grace doesn't think she can't accept death.He has long understood that it is easy to die, and to die means to be lost forever, never to be seen again.But he couldn't understand why William's death alone caused him so much pain.

Is it because I didn't see him take his last breath?Didn't hear the last words he said to himself before he died?Didn't you see him being carried into the coffin and buried in the soil with your own eyes?Because I didn't erect a tombstone for him and engrave his name on it?

Grace didn't know, he couldn't think of it, because the moment he thought about it, he felt his body begin to melt and disintegrate, and would merge with the pain in the air.

But now someone was holding him tight, wrapping his body around, keeping its boundaries.

So Grace was finally able to continue thinking, "Because, 'How could you do this to me...' was the last sentence I said to him. That look at that time was the last look he looked at me."

"All I brought him was pain, if he hadn't taken that broken candlestick to the servant's room that day, hadn't found his father had such a child, hadn't carried me back to his room and painted my frozen hands Medicine... If he hadn't seen me, and I was still just a shameless servant in the villa, he would be able to marry Miss Odor smoothly, or marry Xi Ya when he was in the army, it would be fine, he He will be a good husband and father, and no one can do better than him. If I hadn't had to get back the transfer order, he would have been a general guarding the border in a safe and secure way, and he would be promoted to major general in a few years. Then a lieutenant general, finally an admiral, and then an honorable discharge, back home...if I hadn't had to persuade Chris to implement reforms, and if I hadn't been ridiculously queen, I wouldn't have had all the disasters that followed..."

"But William said that seeing you in the basement of the villa that day was the luckiest thing he ever had. He said that that incident brought him endless happiness... He never regretted taking you back to the room, He will not regret protecting you and educating you later... The only thing he regrets is falling in love with you, but I think he is more afraid of not loving you than that. Because "loving you" is also the happiest moment in his life thing."

"He knows that we have been to the port together. I told him where you stood and how you looked at him. He knew that you saw him off."

"Grace, are you willing to believe that sometimes it's not what people do that makes them what they are, but fate makes them so?"

Grace thought for a long time in Allen's arms, and finally took a deep breath, "If I don't believe it, what can I do?"

After a long time, he said, "I can't answer your question."

Alan hugged him even tighter, his face was pressed against his, and the tears of the two were mixed together, "I won't ask any more! ... I was wrong, I have already tasted the pain of making that choice, How can I let you bear it again..."

Grace was relieved.He was so tired that he quickly fell asleep in Alan's arms.