inferior possession

Chapter 46

The doctor Duan Congzhen found was very gentle, maybe he accepted his instructions, and didn't ask Ji Lu much, prescribed him medicine according to his wishes, and told him to maintain a good mood.

Ji Lu likes this doctor, unlike the previous ones who ask him all kinds of things and try to drive a wedge between him and Brother Duan.

ill.

The pill lay in the palm of his hand, with a familiar look, he had taken it countless times, and now he could remember its taste and the feeling when it slipped through the esophagus just by looking at it.

"Can this medicine make you happy?" Duan Congzhen glanced at him puzzledly while driving.

Ji Lu shook his head, his eyes were dull, he didn't really want to talk, but he couldn't let Duan Congzhen's words fall to the ground, so he could only speak in a hoarse voice, "It can only make me emotional."

When he had a panic attack, his heart was filled with a sense of near-death, and his mind was full of some real or imaginary memories, which invaded him. When there was no medicine, he could only endure it.

Drugs don't make him happy, they just make him go from anxious to moody.

There is no emotion, no drive, and no hope.

He just lay there after taking the medicine, staring at the ceiling, unwilling to think about anything, unable to think about anything.

"Then you stopped taking the medicine for so long," Duan Congzhen frowned, his tone rare to be filled with pity, "How did you get here?"

Ji Lu smiled wryly, "Boil it."

Anyway, it's all a problem in the brain, not a physical disease, anyway, it's just a feeling of dying, not really dying.

It's over after a while.Can't die again.

Duan Congzhen was silent for a while, looking at Ji Lu with rare hesitation.

"I've been sick for so long, have you ever thought about..." Duan Congzhen hesitated to speak, the first time he hesitated to speak.

"Suicide?" Ji Lu filled it out for him with a wry smile.

"En." Duan Congzhen nodded.

"Yes." Ji Lu lowered his eyes, his fingertips pierced his palm, and felt a dull pain, "Every day in Dongqingshan, I really want to die."

The doctors and nurses there, every ward and every light there are the nightmares of Jilu's life.

Even for a long time, Ji Lu had a stress disorder to the white coat. Later, Duan Congzhen often wore it, so that this traumatic memory was hidden in his mind.

Duan Congzhen is like the light shining through the cracks, as long as he comes, the deer can ignore all the darkness.

"But I can't die." Ji Lu laughed at himself, his voice pretended to be calm but trembling, "They won't let the patient die."

In Dongqingshan, death is the hardest thing.

"Every time I have this thought, I pinch my palms and warn myself not to think about it." Ji Lu sniffed, looked up, and looked at him with reddish eyes, "I'll write your name on the wall, Brother Duan, As long as I think of living to see you again, I don't want to die at all."

There was silence in the carriage, only the ebb and flow of breathing could be heard, that is, the deer turned his head, and did not expect to get his answer.

After a long time, Duan Congzhen took something from his side and stuffed it into his hand.

The wound on the palm suddenly tingled, and the deer panicked and lowered his head quickly, only to find that the palm of his hand was stuffed with a ball of alcohol cotton.

"Disinfect the wound." Duan Congzhen said lightly, but his voice was rare and soft, "Go back and apply the medicine to you."

Ji Lu looked at him, eyes in a trance for a moment, then nodded meekly, "Okay."

The room was very deserted, even though there were two men living there, they were not angry at all, everywhere was indifferent and desolate, Zhi Lu looked at the ceiling and sighed heavily.

This house is like an ice coffin, abstract, detached, and without reality, just like Duan Congzhen's heart, which can never be warmed up.

Sitting on the sofa and waiting for Duan Congzhen to look for the medicine box, Ji Lu stared at the deep and shallow scars on his palms, which were extremely ugly. The back of his hands was full of small holes left by pillows. Both hands did not have a piece of good skin, and only blue and blue could be seen. His blood vessels are dormant under the cold white flesh, which is particularly sick.

He shrank his hands uncomfortably, trying to hide his wrists under his sleeves, and it happened that Duan Congzhen came out of the study, carrying the suitcase, and he paused for a moment, then forced himself to stretch out his hands.

Duan Congzhen doesn't like people who look so lazy.

"Spread your hands." Duan Congzhen squatted down on one knee, almost half-kneeling beside him, and ordered in an orderly tone while opening the box, "Don't pinch."

Ji Lu looked at his expression quietly, and opened his hands vigorously, stretching the unhealed wound a little stinging, burning hot.

Looking at Duan Congzhen's overly ambiguous posture, Lu's brain became hot, and he suddenly thought that if he was holding a ring instead of a cotton swab, then he was proposing marriage.

Tearing the corners of his lips in a self-deprecating manner, the deer took a deep breath and looked away.

After applying the medicine, Duan Congzhen carefully wrapped him with a thin layer of gauze, emphasizing again that such self-harm is not allowed.

After removing the medicine prescribed by the doctor, Duan Congzhen handed him a glass of water.

"Brother Duan." Ji Lu called him.

"Say."

"Are you also researching this medicine?" The deer pinched the small pills, put them in his mouth, and swallowed them with water.

"No." Duan Congzhen corrected, "Psychotropic drugs are different from neurological drugs."

"Oh." Ji Lu responded, and asked again, "Then what are your medicines for?"

"You seem to have a lot of problems today."

Listening to the man's calm tone, even though Lu was not sure about his attitude, he just felt that Duan Congzhen was very gentle today, and couldn't help being a bit aggressive, so he boldly asked, "I just want to know more about you, can you tell me?"

Duan Congzhen screwed on the medicine bottle and said nothing.

Seeing him like this, Ji Lu retreated again, shrinking his neck, "If it's a secret, forget it."

It is normal that the research results of pharmaceutical companies cannot be leaked. After all, it is the painstaking efforts of so many researchers, so it is definitely impossible to release them casually.

"It's not a secret." Duan Congzhen said lightly, and gave him another glass of water, "We mainly study drugs targeting the central nervous system."

"There are many problems that may be caused by nerve damage, such as memory impairment and aphasia. Kelin Biotechnology hopes to develop drugs that can target such diseases, and there will be a large market."

Ji Luan listened to him quietly, and unconsciously played with the warm cup in his hand, thinking for a moment, "If this is the case, it shouldn't be enough to apply for the funding from the Medical Association Health Organization, right?"

Duan Congzhen paused for a moment, his eyes flashed a little playfully, he slowly raised his eyes, glanced at Jilu, and narrowed his eyes slightly.

"You're pretty smart." Duan Congzhen said.

It was the first time I heard him praise himself in a serious manner, and Ji Lu was a little flattered, subconsciously sat up straight, and looked at him without blinking.

Duan Congzhen finally had an expression on his face, with a hint of arrogance, "You should remember the man I interrogated with Li Jie in the laboratory last time."

"I... remember." Jilu swallowed.

"The injection I gave him was a defective product of Colin's reagent. Although there are flaws, the effect is not bad."

Duan Congzhen sat down, lit a cigarette, and seemed a little nostalgic when talking about those experiences, "My reagent easily broke through his traumatic memory, and dug it out without reservation."

Different people have different acceptance and processing methods of traumatic memories. Some people will choose to forget them deliberately, and some people will never get out of the shadows for the rest of their lives.

The Colin's reagent is like a key. If you want to forget, you can erase the traumatic memory by interfering with the nerves. For patients with Alzheimer's or dissociative amnesia, it can also evoke their memories.

"It's just that the defective product hasn't been tested yet, and it has too many side effects." Duan Congzhen blew out a smoke ring, clicked his tongue, and seemed a little dissatisfied, "That man is too fragile, and he went crazy after a short time."

Ji Lu was taken aback, "...Crazy?"

"Yeah, it's not as long as the rabbit in my box." Duan Congzhen's eyes flashed with contempt, "That kind of purity can drive people crazy, it's really funny."

"Then what about him now?" Ji Lu felt a little palpitated, and his back felt a little chilly.

"Where is the mental hospital?" Duan Congzhen smiled, looking at him with a strange look, as if he didn't understand why he asked, "Where can a person go if he is crazy?"

That is, the deer didn't speak.

"Bambi," Duan Congzhen called him suddenly, staring at him with a sideways smile, "Is there anything you forgot, let me help you remember it?"

Ji Lu was a little startled, and slowly came to his senses, "Do you use... medicine?"

He thought of the injections that Duan Congzhen had injected into his blood vessels, and suddenly shuddered.

"Then why not?" Duan Congzhen laughed, "Kelin Reagent will also recruit volunteers after a while, why don't we try it for you too?"

"I don't need it..." Ji Lu hurriedly shook his head, afraid that he would be dragged to get an injection if he was too slow, "Brother Duan, don't make such jokes."

Duan Congzhen's expression was unexpectedly serious, staring at him silently, without speaking, his eyes were deep, with a little undetectable danger.

"How about sending you to test the medicine?" Duan Congzhen stretched out his hand and hooked Ji Lu's slightly curly soft hair with his fingertips, "Maybe it can also cure your illness?"

Ji Lu shook his head, but his body didn't dare to move away as if he was being nailed, "Brother Duan, did I do something wrong?"

"Don't you want to help me test the medicine?" Duan Congzhen answered the wrong question, looked at him with his head tilted, rubbed his fingertips on his wrist, his eyes were soft and puzzled, with a strange morbidity, "I researched this with my own hands, you Don't you want it to be in your blood?"

Ji Lu's heart skipped a beat, his eyes widened instantly, "Brother Duan..."

Duan Congzhen ignored him, and lowered his head slightly, feeling the man's trembling arm. After a long time, he suddenly let out a muffled laugh.

"I was kidding you." He said with a smile.

"..." Ji Lu looked at him vigilantly, his heart was beating fast, and he didn't recover for a while.

Looking at his expression, Duan Congzhen's smile suddenly faded, "I was just joking with you, why do you have this expression?"

"I...I don't like this kind of joke very much," Ji Lu looked at him, lowering his brows slightly, "Brother Duan, you scared me..."

"All right, all right, I was wrong, okay?" Duan Congzhen shook off his hand, stood up from the sofa, glanced at him meaningfully, and said with a bit of boredom in his tone, "I didn't expect you to be so incapable of taking jokes." , Count me as redundant."