very close to the clouds

Chapter 64 I Admit My Love

"I'm leaving."

The last chance left for each other on the airport radio was also exhausted. Shen Yanbai still hadn't waited for Jiang Zhongyu's hidden deep love. Surrounded by the voice of the radio looking for someone, Shen Yanbai stood in place persistently, looking at Jiang Zhongyu. Although Zhongyu said "I want to go", in fact he didn't even move back a step.

But he has tried his best to pretend to be very chic, as if this meeting is not any different from before, it is still a "meeting by chance" and "marriage in dew".

They didn't even have a dewy marriage this time around.

"Goodbye." Jiang Zhongyu said.

Full of anticipation in his heart, only disappointment remained, Shen Yanbai looked at him and took a few steps back before turning around.

Jiang Zhongyu was still looking at him, his hands clenched into fists, trying to restrain himself.

In front of Shen Yanbai, there was a crowd of people coming and going, but behind him there was only years of silence and loneliness.They are not from the same world, but they collide because of an accident, but the world will always be set right.

Shen Yanbai just walked for about five meters, then stopped suddenly.

Jiang Zhongyu frowned, and was about to ask him, but saw Shen Yanbai turn around abruptly, and took several steps in his direction in an instant, the distance between the two was made up again, Shen Yanbai tensed Hugged him tightly, like a brother or a lover.

"Jiang Zhongyu," Shen Yanbai took a step back and asked him, "This is the third and last time."

Jiang Zhongyu didn't quite understand what he meant, so he looked at him in a daze.

Shen Yanbai asked: "Do you think we are friends?"

"Of course." Jiang Zhongyu answered him firmly.

Shen Yanbai sneered, and looked at him indifferently with cold eyes, as if he just asked casually: "But have you thought about one thing?"

"what?"

"Maybe you bent it."

The two tickets for Sun Moon Lake that Jiang Zhongyu had been holding fell to the ground at this moment. The two tickets were folded and folded by him, and they looked stuttered.

Jiang Zhongyu stared blankly at Shen Yanbai for a long time.

Shen Yanbai squatted down to pick up the ticket, and gave himself one last chance: "If you like me, you can come to me anytime. This is my address." Shen Yanbai took out a signature pen and wrote on the ticket He gave his address in Shanghai and handed it to him.

Jiang Zhongyu took it subconsciously.

Shen Yanbai raised his head slightly, as if looking at people with his chin, and said proudly: "But you have to remember, I won't wait for you for too long."

Shen Yanbai didn't give Jiang Zhongyu any chance to speak, turned his head and left after speaking.

So after that day, Shen Yanbai’s deepest impression on Dunhuang was only the hot gravel and hot kisses, until he returned to Xining, he still felt that it was a dream, maybe Jiang Zhongyu never appeared in his life again , he is still galloping in Hoh Xil, thousands of kilometers away, without trying to enter another world because of him.

Shen Yanbai's program recording in Xining passed peacefully without any disturbance.

Except for those attacks on him that reappeared on the Internet, but compared with the previous one, it has been much less.

On the evening of the day when he was about to fly back to Shanghai, Shen Yanbai posted some travel photos on his Weibo, and the one in the middle was the painting by Jiang Zhongyu. Few people came to ask him if he sold it. Shen Yanbai couldn't possibly sell it, but he still patiently replied one by one, "This painting was drawn by a friend of mine. If you like it, you can make an appointment with him."

After that day, the chat dialog box between him and Jiang Zhongyu didn't add another word, and it always stayed before they met.

Shen Yanbai opened and closed the dialog box countless times. He knew very well in his heart that no matter how much he liked Jiang Zhongyu, this step was enough.Likes need to go in both directions. If Jiang Zhongyu doesn't like himself that much, no matter how hard he tries, it won't help, but he is asking for trouble.So Shen Yanbai didn't do anything, he just waited patiently.

He had never been this patient in more than 20 years.

But one day, Shen Yanbai found Jiang Zhongyu's circle of friends, and he went to Mogao Grottoes again.The photo was still taken at the level of Jiang Zhongyu, it was very blurry, and it was almost impossible to see what was being photographed, but Shen Yanbai saw a corner of the big Buddha, so he recognized it.

Shen Yanbai wanted to give a like to his circle of friends, but in the end he didn't do anything.He felt he had done enough.

Sometimes, even if there is no fate, you have to learn to accept it.

Jiang Zhongyu went alone.

After Shen Yanbai returned to Xining, Jiang Zhongyu didn't want to go home for a while, so he stayed in Dunhuang for a while.

One night when he opened his eyes and saw the night light at the door was on, he subconsciously called Shen Yanbai's name: "Xiao Shen, are you still asleep?"

The only answer to him was the late-night breeze in Dunhuang. When it blew, the air seemed to be filled with the smell of decaying and heavy dust, which seemed to have created the smell of his life in the previous 30 years.

Jiang Zhongyu sat up, stared at the direction of the night light, and smoked a rare cigarette.After smoking, he couldn't sleep at all. He casually put on a thick denim jacket, and drove the off-road vehicle that had been with him for a long time to the direction of Mogao Grottoes.The Mogao Grottoes at this point have not yet been opened, and there are endless unknowns hidden in the mysterious blackness. Under the moonless sky, all colors are swallowed by darkness, and he can't see anything.

He couldn't see himself, let alone the world, and couldn't see when his long and endless life should end.

He has been living a boring and boring life with this world, never knowing where the end is, just living.

He can live anywhere.In a sand dune without city buildings, in a prison full of crimes, in a cold and silent home, even in a strange city he has never touched...he is the same wherever he is.

But the moment he just woke up from the darkness, seeing the weakly lit night light, and hearing the evening wind blowing from Hoh Xil and passing through the northwest, he suddenly felt that it would be great if Shen Yanbai was here.So he woke up calling the other party's name.

Jiang Zhongyu found the small door mentioned by Xie Xiaojin before and entered the Mogao Grottoes. There was no one in the empty scenic spot, even the moon hadn't woken up yet, and was covered in thick clouds.

He saw the Buddha statue again.

In fact, he never believed in gods and Buddhas, including when he started reading Buddhist scriptures later, it was only because those cumbersome sentence patterns could make him feel calmer, making him more like an ordinary person, a normal person, and even a kind person. people.

But that day, under the tolerant Buddha statue, he kissed Shen Yanbai, he was innocent.

Gods and Buddhas never arbitrarily impose any sin on anyone, let alone liking someone is innocent.

He forgives anyone, and he forgives me for liking you.

Under the gods and Buddhas, I admit my liking without any prerequisites.This is accepted and allowed.

When Jiang Zhongyu looked up at the Buddha, he also looked at his own heart.

The author says:

It's still a little bit, a little bit... Tomorrow must be! (I slipped)